Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Boyfriend and This Whole Fat Acceptance Thing.

When I comment on the blogs of other FA writers, it comes to pass that I mention my boyfriend. Since I don’t really want to put anyone out there, we’ll simply call him Boyfriend. Well, that was the plan, but I spoke to him and he decided he wanted to go with my little naming device so he said he wants to be called KeithCi.

Keith and I have a long (very long) distance relationship that started and has blossomed electronically. He is very British and I am very American- you understand the long distance part now, I’m guessing. Anyway, because of the inability to spend much time together physically at the moment, we are very honest with each other (I’m sure we would be despite the electronic hang-ups). One thing that I was and am sure he knows about is my fatness.
It came to pass that one day he requested to see me in a bikini so he could see the whole of my body. I laughed at this request as, to be honest, I’d be far more comfortable naked than in a bikini and because I was not going to spend time searching for a bikini in my size and then spend the money on said bikini when I would never wear it again. Don’t get me wrong, he’d seen me via webcam before this, but never full-on and nearly nude. Anyway, the time to show him came: I cried. He comforted. We talked. All-in-all, it was a wonderful experience because after that moment there was no reason for him to come visit me and say “OH! Well… you’re fat!” And, yes, I have had it happen to me before. Of course, I gave him the last-chance-to-get-out warning and he didn’t take it which means I’m pretty confident right now. He’s seen me, I’ve seen him; I’m very happy, he seems just as enthusiastic.

Another thing he’s well aware of is my commitment to FA. This is where things get garbled between Keith and myself. Keith is very responsible and logical and doesn’t like it when I’m upset. I rather enjoy keeping up on FA issues and even slightly enjoy the anger that comes over me when I feel something’s wrong. (I don’t know why I enjoy it, maybe it’s because I feel that if I’m angry, I’m going to try to change it and the idea of change makes me happy, but that’s a whole ‘nother post.) I talk to him about what’s going on and why I’m upset about certain issues and his response is usually along the lines of “Babe, if it hurts you to know about these things, why do you read them?”

Well, I read them because they’re about me. They’re about the hands holding me, and people I care about, down. Not all posts are about FA, some are about feminism, some are about ablism, some are about racism, but they all have to do with me. And I am the only one who can change it and make it better. I am the big, fat straw that breaks the camel’s back. And I’ve told him that (though, not in so many words). I’ve even mentioned that a war against obesity is a war against me. I’ve asked him if they have the same “war” going on in the UK and he said something to the tune of “Yeah, against the obese but not the fat.” Of course, I explained to him that I’m fat and obese, whether I look like it or not, it doesn’t matter, I am and therefore am also a target of this war. I also let him know that at his height and weight, the body mass index (BMI) labels him as obese even as a vegetarian. He didn’t get that (and, honestly, I don’t either because it’s ridiculous).

We’ve been together for a while now. Not very long, but a while. And I’m not worried about him not understanding the FA thing. At least, not yet. He knows that I’m an activist, he knows what I believe. Most importantly, he supports me in everything I do, whether that’s going out with friends, or studying for those damn math tests. If I say I want a brownie, he doesn’t go “do you really think you need it, Lex?” No. He says “then go get one.” When I question him about plus sized stores in his little town, he assures me I’ll have a fine wardrobe even if I have to buy it all online. He makes me feel good about myself and I am very grateful to have him. He’s a good man. I believe that he’ll support me in FA like he does in everything else.

When we were just getting started as a couple (and I was just becoming aware of his Morrissey addiction), he sent me this. I hope you all enjoy (but beware the comments on that video).

Big Smiles!

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